Jonathan, I like the way you have used the quote to bring out the key moment in the story. I also like the sparse feel, but wonder if one other element might be good to add. I think the way you've done the heart is good--not too obvious. For the eye, you might do something as well--something watching, etc. I'm going to post an image of the old man and his eye. If that won't work for you, you can always keep looking and thinking about how to give that sense to the image.